Head of School Commencement Address 2026

Families, Parents, Guests,

On behalf of the faculty, staff, and Board of Trustees of Pacific Ridge School, thank you for joining us for Commencement, 2026 - the 16th in our school’s short history.

I began this year by talking with our faculty and staff about Artificial Intelligence (AI).  My message was clear, at least I hope it was.  AI is here; we don’t get to ignore it, and, if we are going to prepare our young adults for their future, we must begin to find ways to incorporate AI into our education, our Pacific Ridge education.  As I expected, that message was both embraced and found to be frustrating.  

I know, for example, that shortly after that opening talk, groups of faculty engaged excitedly in discussing how to engage our students in these emerging opportunities, while other groups of teachers actively said to one another, “No way, we are not going there.  We are about people, we are not about technology.” 

And, something that is amazing about this moment…  both are right.  

AI is here, it is exciting, it is fun, it is sometimes scary and sometimes jaw-dropping, and we need to be paying close attention.  Why?  Because humans thrive on human connection, not technological connection.  We need AI not to be an unquestioned solution, a companion, or a pleaser.  We need AI to be a tool, a partner that can extend our own thinking AND make space for that which really matters.

When I look back on this year for and the many powerful moments in it, I see so much wonder - a family wedding in India, noticing more sunrises than usual, my father’s passing, an incredible trip to Japan with my wife, some unexpected connections, another inspiring journey into the wilderness with a group of PRS students, and being frequently blown away by that which AI can do.  

But despite being a bit wowed by AI, I know that the moments that really impacted me were not technologically driven; they were human driven. 

I bring up the tension between the growth of artificial intelligence and the need for human connection because I see them as fellow travelers, sometimes aligned, sometimes at odds, but both guiding us to a new way of living, working, and relating in the 21st century.

No, I have not yet worked out a grand theory of how to integrate AI and humanity into our 21st century lives.  Sorry.  But I do recognize that, in the face of rising technology, we must redouble our efforts to focus on what makes us… human.

But how do we do that?

Well, one of the books I read this year gives some potential insight.  The book is entitled, How to Know a Person by David Brooks, and, simply put… it is about how to see and know the people around us.

In an age where we find ourselves increasingly isolated by our own, personal, technological bubbles, truly knowing a person is likely becoming even more unique - and even more important.  

The technological innovations on our doorstep will bring massive change in human relations, potentially atomizing us more than ever. I know we cannot hold it back, and I do not even want to.  But, I do believe we need to learn how to embrace AI and be even more purposeful about how we exist in the world - we need to focus on human interaction and human connectedness.  
 

In his book, David Brooks shares a number of concepts about how to know a person. 

First, he shares habits we all fall into that make it impossible for us to see others

Second, he illuminates ways to create the opportunity to know a person

and…

He presents how to be known.

Let’s start with some of his patterns to avoid…  

According to Brooks, we do a lot of things that keep us from seeing the people in front of us.  He calls this section “how not to see a person.” He lists seven ways we keep ourselves from knowing others.  They are… egotism, anxiety, naive realism, what he calls “the lesser-minds problem,” objectivism, essentialism, and the static mindset. 

Okay, those are big some words! Let me translate...

• Ever found yourself wanting to share an opinion that was not, exactly, asked for?  
• Ever noticed yourself wondering if the person in front of you likes what you just said? 
• How about assuming that others see the world the way you do? 
• Ever tried to categorize a person into a larger generation, gender, or group?  

No, I am sure none of us have ever do any of those things!!!

Right?

Whenever we find ourselves going to any of these places, according to Brooks, we make it much harder for us to see the people with whom we are interacting.  

The title of the book is How to Know a Person, but somewhere in the middle Brooks makes clear that the title really should be “The Art of Hearing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Heard.”  

So, let’s talk about how to hear - deeply.  

According to Brooks, we need to “be a loud listener” When another person is talking, listen so actively that you are “practically burning calories!”  Everyone in a conversation faces an internal conflict between self-expression and self-inhibition.  If we listen passively, the person is likely to become more inhibited.  If we listen actively, we invite expression.  

Try it sometime.  Start a conversation by passively listening and then “turn on the switch,” actively listen - and watch the person lacrosse from you switch from inhibited to expressive.  

It’s amazing… just ask my wife.

In the end, Brooks says that we have to listen with purpose and intention – that, in order to know a person, we have to create the atmosphere where the people in our lives will share – and we can hear.

But Brooks takes it s step further.  He says we also have to create an environment where we, ourselves, can be deeply seen, deeply heard, deeply known. 

What does it take to be known?  According to Brooks, we have to do three things…

• Share our real experiences (not just surface updates),
• Let people see our struggles as well as our successes

and…

• We have to choose relationships where people will truly listen – to us.

It’s a bit of a flywheel effect.  

If we share more deeply with people who want to listen to us, they will share more in return.  If we listen more deeply to them, then we will know them as people, and, because we know them, they will trust us enough to share even more deeply with us.  In order to know, we have to let ourselves be known.

When I first read this section from Brooks, I have to admit, I was a little skeptical.  I mean, why do I need to be “known” in order to “know” someone?  

Can’t I just focus on listening deeply and getting to know others?  Not according to Brooks, and, at the time, I didn’t quite get it. 

Not until a few months ago…

You see, back in March, I had an incredible evening that kind of came out of nowhere, and it happened… in my backyard.  

On that Saturday night, three of my lifelong friends all happened, magically, to be free at the same time.  How did we use the evening?  We spent 4-5 hours doing nothing…  but sitting outside, listening to music, eating, drinking, talking, laughing, and hearing.   

And, for me, it was an illustration of the importance of being known as an element of knowing.

I don’t see these three all the time, but they have each been in my life for more than 40 years.  I have let these three be witnesses to my life, witnesses to me. Each of them has seen me cry, cheer, dance with joy, shake my head in disbelief, scream, and everything in between.   

What I experienced that night was the joy of truly knowing good people.  But, reflecting on the evening and connecting it to Brooks’s book I finally understood what he was saying.  

On that night, one of the reasons I experienced the joy of knowing these people, is that they know me.  I let them “in” a long time ago, and they have been “in” ever since.

What Brooks taught me is that, in order me to know others, I must allow myself to be known.  If I do not let myself be vulnerable to others, I cannot expect them to be vulnerable enough for me to truly know them.

To be human is to be vulnerable - to share genuine thoughts and emotions without knowing how they will be received. To take the risk of showing one’s authentic self without knowing if that self will be appreciated, approved, or loved.  We have to give of ourselves if we hope to have others give to us.

That kind of vulnerability can be scary.  Frankly, it can be a lot scarier than any doomsday AI scenario we can dream up!  

Navigating the world with vulnerability takes confidence and courage - daily courage.

And, if I am honest, I can be pretty horrible at being known.  I can probably count on my hands the number of people I am likely to make myself vulnerable enough to be truly known, and that means there are about that many people I can expect to know - deeply.

It is pretty simple.  If we want to know others, we have to let ourselves be known.

I’m still trying to figure it out. We all are. And we need to keep trying.  Why?  Because, as AI emerges and becomes more prevalent, I suspect the opportunities will be fewer, and we are going to have to be far better at taking advantage of those moments when they arise.  

We will need to be better at listening and hearing, we will need to be better at sharing our full experiences, and we will need to be better at choosing who we want to know us. We will need to be better at knowing and being known.

Class of 2026, as you head out into life beyond PRS, you are going to be given a world that could feel new, exciting, and tailor-made for your generation.  Emerging technologies and AI are going to make many parts of your life faster, easier, perhaps even more interesting.  And, I would argue that the skills that will become the hardest to cultivate and the ones that will lead most to purposeful lives will be the ability to know and to be known.  

Graduates, as you head out into the world, a world sped up by yet unknown new technologies - look to create an environment that allows you to know others deeply.  That might mean maintaining relationships over decades and it might mean making yourself vulnerable to people you just recently met.  But, know that creating human connections will be even more important in the future – and we will have to be intentional about it.  We will have to be purposeful.

Class of 2026, as you depart, I leave you with my usual two requests - and a third for this year.

First, seize the unique opportunities that come with each stage of your lives. Seek out ways to extend your current interests, while always keeping your eyes open for new passions as well. By growing, changing, and evolving, every decade will challenge and delight you.
 
Second, every once in a while, ask yourself this question:
“Who, or what, has stayed with you throughout all of your life?”
 
If someone or something has stayed with you through all of the change in your life – then it matters.  It matters that someone who knew you when you were five still has importance to you when you are eighteen.  It matters that some activities you loved in your youth still bring you peace or energy in adulthood. Wrap your arms around those people, those things, as much as you possibly can.

Finally, keep asking, “Am I harnessing human connection?  Do I know the people around me?”

Asking those questions will allow you to evaluate the how you are existing in the world and determine if you are cultivating an atmosphere to connect with the amazing human around you.

I hope that, for many of you, Pacific Ridge School will be a place that remains part of your life, a place that you know.  
 
Class of 2026 – you have taken all of the opportunities a Pacific Ridge high school experience has to offer.  But, now, it is time for you to leave this place - it is time for you to leave the nest.  Indeed, it is time, and you are ready.  

Congratulations.